Like you, many people go through this dull phase. Don’t overburden yourself with negative thoughts. I know how it feels when you see no results despite giving your best shot. I know the pain of getting repeated failures in life.
In this article, I’ll answer the cause and the solution to the above question by explaining the following principles.
- 3 P’s Box to keep calm when everything goes wrong in life
- 3 F’s Box for helping you not make a fool of yourself under stress.
- Comparison Trap for understanding the deadly consequences.
- Self-Comparison cycle (Do not take it lightly due to its simplicity)
- Dilution Effect to watch out for the number of supporters.
- Occurrence Effect for keeping a check on the occurrence with your supporter.
I’m about to make a bold statement.
Nothing goes wrong in life…..
Some of you may oppose the above statement.
Let me tell you one thing:
It is an incomplete statement.
Nothing goes wrong in life until we start moving in the wrong direction.
What are these wrong directions?
- You start comparing your goals with others.
- You decide your future path by blindly following some success story.
- Your vision lacks the fire to burn all negativeness around.
- There is an excuse for your fall.
- You try to confuse frustration with jealousy.
- You feel depressed with every failure because there is no passion involved.
- When things go extreme, you start blaming your past life for having such a horrible present.
- When don’t find any substantial reason to move forward, cursing your fate looks like a viable option.
Why are we headed in these wrong directions?
Let us uncover the reality:
1) 3 P’s Box
As Rome wasn’t built in a single day, one must not lose hope in life after successive downfalls.
3 P stands for:
You see happy faces all around, but you are frustrated with your current workload.
Nobody cares about your extra efforts. One step forward looks like a gigantic task. If you are passionate about your work, remove all these negative thoughts from your mind.
In the beginning, more input leads to discouraging output. Have some patience. Though the output is small, it acts as a catalyst for shaping your dreams into reality.
It turns out into a valuable input with time because it gets refined after repeated failures.
Now, simple effort brings in tons of desirable output.
Nothing goes waste when you stick to your primary purpose in life.
2) 3 F’s Box
3 F’s stands for:
Shortcut route always looks tempting because it guarantees you tons of output with minimal input. Though the output comes in big number, quality is low.
With time, this output turns out to be useless input.
It is built by keeping aside the personal dreams to chase other’s name and fame. With no originality, it becomes impossible to develop love for work. Unsurprisingly, it results in an unpleasant outcome.
Current fears and failures make people go blind to such an extent where they allow their ideas to die a slow death.
When the input is coated with fear of failure, you make a fool of yourself.
The temptation for removing current miseries leads to life-long pain.
In the end:
Passion fuels your mission to succeed, not shortcuts.
Here are the practical strategies to keep moving forward despite repeated failures:
Stop the comparison
Have you noticed one weird thing about the comparison?
We pinpoint the strong point of others for highlighting our pain points.
We only see what we want to see.
3) Comparison trap
Comparison: The point when you use others for comparing your growth, you enter the deadly trap. You determine your caliber by measuring other’s track record. Comparison pollutes your mentality because you always need somebody to know your weakness.
Jealousy: Comparison with others gives birth to jealousy, where the sufferer looks everyone as a competition. The term ‘success’ replaces with ‘defeat’ because the ultimate aim becomes to overpower and snatch the position. Most of the valuable time is spent in plotting paths to make others feel small.
Pessimism: When jealousy sets in, it comes along with pessimistic thoughts. Even a small failure looks like a big dent in individual’s confidence. There is no hope left when everything appears to go wrong in life. Cloud of doubts restricts the personal growth.
Deadly Comparison: Sufferer starts thinking about the similarity and dissimilarity between existence and non-existence. Depressing questions, like ‘What if I quit?’, ‘Will my presence make any significant impact?’, starts popping in mind. Suicide looks like the best option among all the mess.
The trap starts by comparison with people, where person questions his potential and ends up with a deadly comparison, where the person asks whether life is worth living or not.
If you are adamant about comparing, start comparing yourself.
How to achieve the desired results?
The answer is simple.
4) Follow the Self-Comparison Cycle
It may look too simple to try. In reality, it works wonders for your overall growth.
If you want to build a healthy body, track your progress without worrying about other’s results. As excess of everything is bad, don’t increase the intensity of the workout to have a sculpted body as your gym friend.
If you want to become a writer, track your progress by writing daily. Don’t disturb the flow by thinking about the successful writers whom you have seen either in person or online.
If you want to build a successful business, track your progress by small steps. Stop comparing the worth of your ideas with the established businesses. They have done their bit by building a big empire. Now, it is your chance to make a change.
It is not restricted to the above fields, self-comparing works for everyone.
Compare your past results with the present ones. Then, work on them to see the results.
Instead of wasting your energy on others, direct all the energies on your personal growth.
Beware of the Bystander Effect
A biker is lying on the ground, bleeding profusely, after a collision with the truck. The careless truck driver leaves the accident scene by leaving the biker to his fate.
A lot of people gathers around the victim, but nobody takes the initiative to save the life of the biker.
It happens most of the time.
It is known as the ‘Bystander Effect.’
The Bystander Effect is a social phenomenon in which a person doesn’t support the victim when other people are present.
With the increase in spectators, responsibility scatters. As everyone thinks the other guy/girl will save the victim, the victim doesn’t get any support from the crowd.
More people leads to more dilution of responsibilities.
Let us connect this situation with downturns in your life.
When everything goes wrong in your life, you feel like a victim of life’s circumstances. You seek out advice from family and friends.
It is always good to share your feelings to minimize the internal clutter, but more people dilutes the support.
If you keep on increasing your help circle, by asking every friends and family member, you weaken the support.
Once a person, you approached for support, comes to know you are contacting other people in the same group for help, they think you might get support from those people.
In this way, they shift the responsibility to other people.
5) Dilution Effect
The graph indicates that with excessive increase in people, support dilutes.
Minimize your help group by selecting the group of individuals who understands you properly. It’ll benefit you in two ways:
- You’ll a get feedback from a limited set of people.
- You have ample time to work on the given suggestions and decide whether to continue or discard it.
Watch out the Occurrences
Apart from limiting your help circle, focus on limiting the occurrences.
If you refer one or two people, keep a close watch on a number of times you are approaching them for help.
Place yourself in the helping spot to understand the following scenario.
How does it feel when your friend, say Sam, approaches you for seeking your advice?
You feel more than happy to assist him.
If he approaches time and again with the same issue, uneasiness sets in.
You have run out of ideas because you have given your best shot to help Sam.
Everyone is busy with their life. In the end, you have to make the decision. Don’t bother anyone to such an extent they start avoiding you.
Till an extent, external assistance helps in clarifying the doubt. If you keep on crying the same issue time and again, the impact goes on decreasing.
The more your share the same thing with the other person, the less impact it creates.
If you keep on pinching the other person for assistance, you won’t get the ideal results in the long run. The interactions, which were valuable in the beginning, turns out be complete bullshit.
Over-reliance leads to avoidance. Ask for external help, but don’t underestimate your inner calling.
You are the problem. You are the solution.